Trouble in Paradise

About two weeks after Sydney was born, Jason was laid off. He had a great paying job. Luckily, he got a better paying job within two weeks. I say lucky because let's face it, jobs are few and far between right now. Especially a good one. Well, yesterday he was let go from that job. Cut backs my ass. It seems people were also complaining about him and doing everything they could to push him out the door. It doesn't really matter the reason. It is what it is.

So there goes our health insurance....again. Our trying-to-conceive plans are going to be put on hold. I'm really upset about that one. Last time I wasn't worried, but this time I am. The job field he's in only has so many competitors in this big city, and he's been "let go" from the top two. How will he find another that pays like them? And I'm a stay at home mom. It's not like I can get a job during the day with breastfeeding a baby that doesn't take bottles and no family to babysit. Not like I would make enough money to matter anyway. I wasn't planning on finishing school for at least another year so I could spend all my time with Sydney. I've always wanted to be a mommy at a young age and part of me feels selfish for not finishing school BEFORE we had a baby. To think of it another way, if I was set in my career, I probably wouldn't have been a stay-at-home mom. I've felt so blessed to give Sydney so much time.

I can't express my concerns to Jason right now because he feels really down about it. Like a failure. I heard him making comments to Sydney about being a loser. I felt so bad. I told him we still love him no matter what. Things happen. And Sydney got him smiling of course. But I can tell he's hurting bad. Jason doesn't let ANYTHING get to him, except monetary issues and responsibilities. This is pretty huge. I'm trying to stay positive for him. But what about me? I'm freaking out. I just feel so bummed because things were going as planned and I feel like this is such a set back. I know things things will eventually work out, as they always do, but it doesn't take away from how much this SUCKS.

I just don't know what I can do to help. It's my life too and I hate feeling like I have to sit around and wait for HIM to fix it. I feel bad we have to depend on him. I guess that's a sacrifice I chose to make to be a stay-at-home mom.