Breastfeeding is the most wonderful thing for my baby and for me, but holy molly I just want to sleep for more than 3 hours! And what about a night out? I can't even leave the house without her because she'll scream her head off thinking she's starving. Think she just wants her mommy? No, because I've tried giving her a bottle myself. She's not stupid. If the boob is in the house, that's all she wants. If it's not in the house, she gives hell to her Daddy till I come into view. The worst mistake I made was to stop giving her a nightly bottle when she was only a month old. Now I'm screwed. Yup, not we-ME. I was so worried about nipple confusion and I didn't want to be the one to give her the bottle. Then Daddy went back to work and I dug my own grave. I sure am laying in it now, aren't I? I've spent the past two months attached to my pump like a milking cow trying to stock up that breastmilk only to throw it away as our continued attempts at bottle feeding fail. I felt like crying each time I had to dump my liquid gold down that dark, endless hole we call a drain.
So I quit. I sucked it up and came to terms with not having a life (or boobs) of my own for the rest of the year. And sleep? It will come-eventually. Heck, she's even been giving me the opportunity to get a good four hour stretch in at night. Unfortunately, my body must be in protest too because I'll just lay there for those four hours waiting to feed her again. So that's what we've come to. That is until I realized I only have TWO MONTHS until I go home and actually have a babysitter for the first time. It might as well be tomorrow as fast as time is going these days.
Damn it. So we're back at it again. This time, I'm trying something different. We got her a learner cup. This past Saturday, I pumped a little bit of milk and gave it to her at room temperature. Guess what? SHE DIDN'T CRY! She didn't get much, but that's not the point. Since then, I've pumped about two ounces each day and gave it to her in between a feeding so she wasn't starving and couldn't get fustrated. This time, I'm not dipping into my stash, and I don't mind dumping that tiny bit. She's giving it her all, figuring out what to do with her tongue. She's actually drank a whole ounce yesterday. Slowly, we're making progress. I'm not giving up this time! Once I can get her to drink at least four ounces, then we'll move on to having Jason try to feed her. She is such a mommy's girl and I'm sure that's part of the problem. :o)
Enjoy the picture of my first ray of hope:
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