Postpartum Depression

Yup, yours truly has been diagnosed with postpartum depression as a result of severe exhaustion and all this baby stuff. :D I was contemplating on blogging about this or not, but it is something I have to deal with throughout my day (and have been), so I decided to just let it out. I was embarrassed by how I was feeling, thinking I was weak and being a sissy. I didn't want to disappoint Jason. I didn't want to seem like I was complaining because I am so fortunate that I get to stay home with her. I love my little girl so much, and being honest about motherhood will help me be a better mommy to her. Having a baby is hard! Having no family or friends around to help, and a partner that is a work-aholic makes things a million times harder. Did I mention we only have one car too? I'm so isolated, it's not even funny. My baby won't take a bottle, so feedings are just another baby task that is entirely up to me. No wonder I'm not sleeping. When I do have time to sleep, my mind is going a million miles a minute. I have insomnia. I'm not eating like I should be. I'm running on zero, and there is no gas for 100 miles.

Last week, I told my dad I had changed my flight to come home much sooner. He asked me if I was ok. It was the first time someone had asked me that. I broke down in tears and finally admitted to myself that I needed help. I called and made the appointment. At the doctor's office, I burst into tears (yet again) the second she opened the door to talk to me. It was pretty ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself! She prescribed an anti-depressant, and told me to take half an Ambien (sleeping pill) every 2-3 nights. She made Jason come in the room and told him I need to rest. That I can't possibly work through this emotional stuff when I'm suffering from exhaustion. She told him I need at least 30 minutes a day to myself. If the baby cries, he just has to deal with it, and she'll be ok until I get back. She also said I have to turn my monitor off at night. I don't need to hear every burp and fart my baby makes, and I'll hear her if she needs me. Funny, huh? I hope I can give myself a break, because I really need it. I cannot wait to go home next month.