Goodbye June

Can you believe it?! One year ago today, I got my big, fat positive. Pregnancy test that is. What an exciting day that was. And what an exciting way to end the month! My life now is so completely different from then and I'm loving every moment.

This year, another exciting June 30th is upon us. Sydney's grandmother left today after spending the past week helping us out. The help was nice. I got some sleep and Jason and I got some much needed quality time in. Unfortunately, it's also nice to get things back to normal. It's quiet in the house, Sydney is napping, and I'm back on the computer as usual!

In other news, I'm finally in my desired size 2. I feel good in clothes for the first time in a year. Dare I say, even sexy? Ha!

Next week we leave for New Jersey. I'm super ecstatic to see my friends, but also nervous about traveling alone with Sydney. I'm sure we'll be just fine though! Hopefully strangers will keep their grubby hands to themselves. I know babies are cute and all, but seriously people. Boundaries!

Enjoy two pictures of my beautiful girl and me from today:

Raspberries and Crabs

Sydney has a new fetish of blowing raspberries for the past few days. It's hilarious because she does it with a loud sigh right before. Since last Sunday's constant whining and yelling, it seems she has found her voice. I know her cries are certainly getting louder! Her drool is also upping the ante. Tiny, little bubbles have taken permanent residence between her lips. It reminds me of a crab out of water. My silly girl cannot stop rolling over too. Only she's doing it all wrong! She's mastering back to belly, when she has not figured out belly to back yet. What we end up with is an upside down turtle that is stuck. Other exciting adventures of my four month baby include bath time and her perpetual need for attention. Bouncing, jumping, tummy time, back time, sitting time, boppy time, bumbo time-where's mommy time?! As fun as it is, it's exhausting! During bath time, I end up more soaked than Syd. Those "michelin man" legs love to kick! My new favorite time of the day is bedtime. Not mine, hers. I get to rock her while she's being calm, quiet, and happy as she falls asleep in my arms. I don't have to worry about entertaining her, or making sure she's safe, or trying to calm her fussing. We just read, sing, and cuddle. It's the most special bonding time we have, second to nursing. Time is going by way too fast...

Oops! I did it again!

Overfeed Sydney that is! Today we had her four month check-up and she weighs in at 15lbs, 1oz, and is in the 85% for weight! Yes, I got in trouble again. She was in the 75% at her two month check-up. She measures in at 24 inches long, and Little Miss evidently has a huge noggin at 16 inches. Dr. Nishihara said she has the clearest nose he's seen in a very long time. Yay for humidifiers! She also got her second round of shots and took them like a champ. She only cried until I got to pick her up. So far she's not being fussy. MUCH better than last time. :D She still hasn't rolled over, or laughed, but is doing perfect as far as milestones go. The pedi said we can start solids if we want, but was happy that I didn't want to start them until she needs to at six months. Aside from developing food allergies if introduced too soon, she gets all of her nutrition from me, and I'm content in sticking with that for now. She's only an infant for so long and I'm cherishing every moment.

We ended the appointment discussing my medication that I'm taking and apparently it is NOT ok to take while breastfeeding. Nice, right? I called my OB to see if they can switch it, and they tried telling me it was ok. Who knows, but I'm going with the pedi, because he showed me clear as day in a current book he had. So Zoloft it is. Speaking of, Jason has been wonderful this week. He is making a point to make sure I get out alone a bit each day, even if it's only to run to the store. He's watching over the monitor at night, since I'm not ok turning it off. I'm getting a little more sound sleep in with the Ambien. I'm also signing up for a gym membership this weekend. I'll be back to my happy self in no time!

Check out smack-a-doodle and her cool bandaids:

Postpartum Depression

Yup, yours truly has been diagnosed with postpartum depression as a result of severe exhaustion and all this baby stuff. :D I was contemplating on blogging about this or not, but it is something I have to deal with throughout my day (and have been), so I decided to just let it out. I was embarrassed by how I was feeling, thinking I was weak and being a sissy. I didn't want to disappoint Jason. I didn't want to seem like I was complaining because I am so fortunate that I get to stay home with her. I love my little girl so much, and being honest about motherhood will help me be a better mommy to her. Having a baby is hard! Having no family or friends around to help, and a partner that is a work-aholic makes things a million times harder. Did I mention we only have one car too? I'm so isolated, it's not even funny. My baby won't take a bottle, so feedings are just another baby task that is entirely up to me. No wonder I'm not sleeping. When I do have time to sleep, my mind is going a million miles a minute. I have insomnia. I'm not eating like I should be. I'm running on zero, and there is no gas for 100 miles.

Last week, I told my dad I had changed my flight to come home much sooner. He asked me if I was ok. It was the first time someone had asked me that. I broke down in tears and finally admitted to myself that I needed help. I called and made the appointment. At the doctor's office, I burst into tears (yet again) the second she opened the door to talk to me. It was pretty ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself! She prescribed an anti-depressant, and told me to take half an Ambien (sleeping pill) every 2-3 nights. She made Jason come in the room and told him I need to rest. That I can't possibly work through this emotional stuff when I'm suffering from exhaustion. She told him I need at least 30 minutes a day to myself. If the baby cries, he just has to deal with it, and she'll be ok until I get back. She also said I have to turn my monitor off at night. I don't need to hear every burp and fart my baby makes, and I'll hear her if she needs me. Funny, huh? I hope I can give myself a break, because I really need it. I cannot wait to go home next month.

Indecent Exposure

From the moment you share the big news that you're expecting, it's suddenly appropriate for people to talk about your body. From the size of your uterus, to drugs during delivery, and if you plan on breastfeeding. Older generations were formula fed, as that was the norm. Now-a-days, if you don't breast feed, people give you the look of death, like you're a bad mother or something. It's so bad, that when unforeseen circumstances cause mothers to stop breastfeeding sooner that expected, they often feel like a failure. It's sad really.

So then why all the fuss about breastfeeding in public? I'm lucky enough to not have encountered any negative looks or comments, but it's bound to happen. Just because I'm in a crowed restaurant, doesn't mean I shouldn't feed my baby. Sydney still refuses a bottle, so what am I supposed to do? Starve her? Stay home? Nursing covers suck by the way. They overheat the baby and mother, and some keep falling off anyway. Not to mention babies don't stay suctioned on the whole feeding session and sometimes need guidance to re-latch. Jason is very supportive of me breastfeeding (and is even more ecstatic about not buying formula) but even he thinks women should go into the bathroom to feed. Would you want to eat on a nasty public toilet? I didn't think so. Then why should mothers have to go hide and be ashamed of doing the best thing for their babies? It angers me. Almost every state across the country has laws in place protecting moms that breastfeed in public, but they vary. In some states, you still have to worry about being ticketed for indecent exposure. Breasts have become an object of sexuality when really they exist to nourish our offspring. If I'm in someone's home I will respectfully ask if they prefer me to go somewhere private, but if you're in my home, you're probably going to see some skin. I'm not trying to make people feel uncomfortable. If you don't like it-don't look. :o)

"I like to wear babies."

Today we went to a clothing sale at a second hand store for kids. You could fill a bag (they give you) and pay only $5. We arrived to a nice surprise that better clothes would be included in the sale for $10 a bag. We got there more than a half hour before the store opened and there was already a line! Jason got the pleasure of wearing our baby (in the bjorn) so I could get what I needed. Really, I asked him along because I though we could only get one bag a person. :o) He happily wore her hoping other mommies would come up to him to awe over our beautiful girl. He even had it all planned out...

Hot mommy: "Awww! Is she yours?"
Jason: "No, I just like to wear babies."

Anyone that knows Jason can picture him saying this witty line in that deep voice he thinks is sexy. LOL

To our good fortune, you could have as many bags as you wanted! So he didn't really need to come, but it was fun watching him pick out little dresses and camo pants for Syd. Unfortunately, most of the hot mommies were too busy shopping, so Jason was stuck striking up a conversation with an old lady instead. She was wondering why he was standing in line without anything to buy. As she saw me come up to take my place closer to the register, she started laughing. What a trooper his he. And I'd like to add he was one of the only three men in the store helping their wives. That makes me almost feel good enough to excuse his complaining for having to wake up early with a hangover....almost.

Are they twins?

Why is it that people think just because you're out with two babies (and both mommies I might add) that they must be twins? I'd really like to ask them which mommy they think carried them to see if they'd speak up then. :-p Oh yeah, and they are often confused as BOY twins. Girls can wear blue too!

Luckily, today we finally had an outing without that question being asked. Sydney has a new BFF and her name is Stella. Stella is a month older than Sydney, but was a preemie so they should have been the same age. It's funny that their schedules are completely opposite. One's eating and the other sleeps. When one wakes, the other naps. We managed to finally get them awake at the same time long enough to take a picture. (see below)

It's interesting when you have children. As much as you don't think your friendships are going to change, they do. I don't blame them for thinking baby conversation is boring. I used to. Now I can't seem to stray away from the topic. My days are filled with diapers, drool, and smiles. I'm so happy to be building new friendships with other mommies. My life is becoming more fulfilling...and selfless. Only other moms can relate. :o)

June Videos

I was planning on adding the videos from June at the end of the month. Then I remembered I'm too impatient. So check back to this post as I will just be adding them here. :o)

Pool Time!, 6/25/09


Jumper Time!, 6/19/09


"Have you seen my baseball?", 6/14/09


Loud, Little Whiner, 6/14/09


Loud, Little Talker, 6/14/09


Going to Sleep, 6/10/09


Crib Kickin, 6/8/09


Bathtime, 6/6/09


Bumbo Time, 6/5/09


Reaching and Grabbing 6/4/09


Almost Rolling, 6/3/09


Tummy Time 6/3/09


Good Morning 6/2/09

Sibling Rivalry

Ok, so Sydney doesn't technically have a sibling, but she's got Beaker! The two of them are entertaining to watch together to say the least, especially since Sydney's taken notice of him. Beaker has always had quite the personality (and smarts), but since Sydney has arrived, he's really showing his true colors. He is constantly getting yelled at for trying to get her feet, ALWAYS lays on her (video) monitor when it's next to me so I can't see her, opens the door to her room ONLY when I'm trying to put her to bed at night, and is constantly trying to get in between me and the baby when I'm playing with her. I keep telling him that one day she's going to pull his tail. He seriously is a little instigator!

Well, today he has gone to a whole new level. He actually stole her rubber duck that we take baths with and put it down the garbage disposal. I didn't notice it until I turned it on today when the water wouldn't go down. Seriously? My cat can't be that smart.

Here's a pic of the poor little guy: